Posts by rose petal

2

Family Currency

by Satanus in

what is the currency on which your family operates, ie, who runs things, how?

is it power based, and who has the power?

how do they use it to get things done?

Satatus, interesting question. 1/ my family (non witness, mother, brother, sister) we operate on love and consideration. 2/ my ex family (ex husband, 2 sons) operates on control, with my ex as puppeteer. He has 2 sons from first marriage who don't talk to him, of my sons only 1 is totally controlled by him. My son (separated from the lovely mother of his sons) has, under my ex's instigation, tried everything to control (let's call her) Angie. My ex actually said that he was upsetting and annoying Angie to get back at me! They have tried every legal trick they can think of, reporting her to welfare services, badmouthing her in her home town (backfired, that one). My ex's new wife, (Phillipine import, no disrespect to Filipinos), after resolutely refusing to go to meetings, has finally relented and is now going. But the interesting thing is, that my ex uses the same tactics again and again, even if they fail. He doesn't think these things through, and uses short term thinking. He basically plays the odds, it worked 20 years ago, maybe it'll work again. But the annoying thing is - it does keep working again and again! Interesting subject - family dynamics rose petal

4

Contact with family

by amfree in

i was just wondering if anyone knows the "official" word on jw's having contact with their non families.

my husband's dad is an elder.

we have never officially declared ourselves da.

rose petal

I did a slow fade about 15 years ago. My youngest son 4 years ago decides to be a dub and I haven't seen him hardly since. He lives a suburb away, never see him. He had an accident before Christmas and he put me on the form as his next of kin. He ex-friend (worldly) told me where he lived and I went to see him. He was OK on that visit, he had a broken leg, he could hardly throw me out, but on the next he didn't want to know. Next time any dubs come to the door I'm going to ask about the honoring mother and father thing. Doesn't that apply, obviously not, if you're df, da, or slow fade! rose petal

56

Struggling....

by sweet pea in

jw
friends

hi guys .

just feeling really crappy tonight.

my old best friend sent me back my spare house keys this week together with a present for my little one with a note addressed to him.

rose petal

Sorry, SweetPea, I guess a lot of people here have gone through the same thing. I had two best friends that dropped me like a hot rock when my abusive ex left. But it is also true that you will find friends that will stand by you no matter what. It's like what they say about divorced wives - living well is the best revenge! Not that it's revenge, but they are trying to punish and control you. rose petal

15

OK I gotta know...

by brinjen in

jw
friends

is there any other posters from the northern territory out there?

i haven't noticed any others so far, but i could be wrong...

rose petal

Hi Brinjen, I'm in Queensland. Ipswich, near Brisbane. I haven't posted for a while, but exams are over now! You get to have cracker night! We haven't had a cracker night in years, fireworks are not allowed here now. I have to say that I love your avatar. Who drew that, and is it you. It reminds me of Kate Winslet, the movie actress. rose petal

34

For those who've settled on 'no contact' with their JW families . . .

by Madame Quixote in

for whatever reason.

do you question it sometimes and think you should try to "reach out" to them again?

i was this morning and then came across the thread above and was reminded why i need to stay away.. but, still, i read threads of people who have managed somehow, despite being d'f'ed or faded or d'aed and think i might try to be more understanding, supportive, reach out or something.. despite all the problems growing up in a fairly dysfunctional family, i still feel a deep attachment to them and hope against hope that they might come to their senses (if they ever had any to begin with) and get help and leave the cult of jehobo; and we might reconcile,etc., etc., blah blah blah dream dream dream.. i deeply wish for them all freedom and happiness and healing and feel so helpless to free them of their bonds and yet see so much possibility for it, if only they could be reached somehow.

rose petal

I don't see my sons. I am like a mother to a daughter in law. My son, like his father, was and is abusive even though they are separated. Every now and then my grandson (6) says to me, "do you love dad"? I just say, yes, but I don't like him very much at the moment. I don't really miss the abusive one, I do miss the younger one, he was like my side of the family, so we had more in common.

But, if he turns up one day, he turns up. I have a partner, and some wonderful friends, plus grandkids.

Life is good,

rose petal

2

Guns in K/Hall?

by rose petal in

hi, just a question.

reading another post and i came across this.. "the kingdom hells in mn have these assnine 'no guns on the premises' signs and i am a big carry permit guy.

i usually have no problem locking it up to go into hospitals, clinics, or other places where the law requires me to abide their wishes and go defenseless, but to intentionally enter such a hostile threatening place without an 'acessory' discretely at my side is a daunting prospect indeed.".

rose petal

Hi, just a question. Reading another post and I came across this.

"The Kingdom Hells in Mn have these assnine 'no guns on the premises' signs and I am a big carry permit guy. I usually have no problem locking it up to go into hospitals, clinics, or other places where the law requires me to abide their wishes and go defenseless, but to intentionally enter such a hostile threatening place without an 'acessory' discretely at my side is a daunting prospect indeed."

I'm sorry, but this just blew my mind. I have a number of questions actually -

(1) do people go into K/Hall armed, Witnesses or otherwise?

(2) do Witness, supposedly peace loving people, have to be told "no guns"?

(3) where do you 'lock' up your gun if you visit clinics and hospitals?

(4) do people actually walk around with guns?

I do not wish to be disrespectful in any way, but living in Australia nobody has guns here, execept the police and maybe farmers and professional kangaroo shooters. I cannot conceive of a place where people think they are defenceless without a gun. Is this true?

rose petal

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

rose petal

Hi, Hazel eyes, you have it in you to become whatever you want to be. Don't believe your husband when he says he'll never leave you, and he'll never cheat! Such men are "convenient lovers". They stick around while it is convenient. I talk from experience here. I was like you, believed everything everybody said, believed that meeting attendance solved every problem.

You are being abused. I became empty inside, because all I was doing was giving, and giving and giving. You have to keep something back for yourself. Women are much hardier that men (sorry, guys). My husband controlled me by anger. I couldn't stand it when he got angry, it wasn't real anger, he could turn it on and off like a tap. Then one day I realised - I'm smarter than you! It was a lightbulb moment. Plus forgot, no help from the elders, surprise, surprise.

From that day on I outsmarted him, and he knew it. I gained back control bit by bit. Keep some money aside, even if it's only a couple of dollars a week. I hid money for a year, and I saved up $1000. He knew eventually that he couldn't control me, and left! Just like that, out of the blue. I still remember thinking, wow, I should have done that years ago. You will find that you have more friends that you know when he leaves. I did, they said that they just couldn't stand him.

My children were older, so I can understand your hesitation. Just keep putting that $10 a week away, and one day you'll be ready to fly!!!

rose petal

10

Women's intuition

by looking_glass in

i have always said as women we down play our intuition, when we should rely on it more.

words i should have lived by.. several years ago i dated a guy for 2 years.

he lived in the burbs and i was in the city.

rose petal

Hi, I found out my ex cheated on me. But they make you think that you are going crazy to put you off balance.

I read a year or so back "The script:100% absolutely predictable thing men do when they cheat", by Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer. It is so true and I had many a "flashback" moment. There is even a guy in the book that takes his wife's credit card, and then gets mad at her for losing it, and she finds him taking the card out of her purse! This is the kind of thing that cheaters do to justify their behaviour.

Rose Petal

15

How has knowing the Jehovah's Witnesses changed your culture?

by love11 in

hi, long time no see.

i am in a cultural anthropology class now and any info.

you can give me for my paper would be appreciated.

rose petal

Hubert, I was told about Steven Hassan's book, "Combatting cult mind control". I got it and read it last night. It is brilliant. He makes a distinction between 'deprogramming' and interventions. He's ethical.

He recommends that you stay in touch with your family member who is in a cult. Breaking ties make it that much harder to get them back. He offers techniques to make them think about 'the old days' and remember and get in touch with their feelings. I could see that it would be very effective.

Off topic, sorry, but it was appropriate I think :)

15

How has knowing the Jehovah's Witnesses changed your culture?

by love11 in

hi, long time no see.

i am in a cultural anthropology class now and any info.

you can give me for my paper would be appreciated.

rose petal

Hi, it's been 15 years now, but getting out of the Borg is like the proverbial weight lifting off your shoulders. You could think things like, how come, if they don't want kids to go to uni, why do they bignote JW members like the lawyers? Why can't we let the kids watch the Smurfs?

You think, hey, I don't have to stay with my abusive husband because it will all get better in the new system.

You end up more cynical, when people tell you things, you think, yeah, right!

You begin to think of possibilities, like, I can go to uni and get a degree (1 year to go)

rose petal